Area youths rely on grandparents with Kinship Program

By Neal A. Johnson
Posted 6/2/21

Michelle Reinert of Linn raised her kids, and later in life, went back to earn a college degree, though that was something of short celebration as not long after, she took four grandchildren into her …

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Area youths rely on grandparents with Kinship Program

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Michelle Reinert of Linn raised her kids, and later in life, went back to earn a college degree, though that was something of short celebration as not long after, she took four grandchildren into her home to raise as her own.
Hers was one of eight stories to unfold May 17 as part of Meramec Region’s Opioid Affected Youth Initiative (OAYI) Community Conversation at the Community Center in Linn. Dr. Sean Siebert, along with the Osage County Anti-Drug Community Action Team (OC-ADCAT) hosted the event, which allowed youths and their caregivers to talk about how the children, through no fault of their own, were removed from homes due to drug-related issues involving their parents. These kids were placed with grandparents, great-grandparents, or other relatives under a Kinship program, which allows children to stay with family members or friends of the family when the child’s biological parents cannot take care of them.
In 2012, after five years of hard work, Reinert finally tossed her graduation cap. A month later, she was responsible for the care of her four grandkids.
“I’ve had them off and on for nine years, and they’ve been with me full-time for the last six years,” said Reinert of Kyla Saunders, 14, Paige Saunders, 13, and Cory Saunders, 12, and Mathew Streng, 12. “It started with a very painful experience that my daughter just couldn’t get over.”
At the time, Reinert’s daughter gave birth to a child who passed away 11 days later.
“My son-in-law started using meth and drinking, and my daughter started on pain pills but eventually made it to heroin,” she added. “My daughter couldn’t keep a job and there was no place for the kids to stay.”
Reinert went to work for QCM in Linn in 2012 and currently is the office manager. “By the grace of God, I was able to get a job there and was able to sustain us,” she said.
Later, Reinert secured a job for her daughter but that was short-lived, as she was doing drugs while at work.
Kyla, who is going into the ninth grade at Fatima next fall, sets a good example for her siblings and challenges any disrespect. “She’s gone through a lot to take care of us, and we need to appreciate that,” she said.
Reinert understands where the disrespect comes from, though it doesn’t make it any easier to accept. “There is a lot of disappointment and anger, and it has to come out somewhere,” she said of the acting out. “You just have to love them through it.”
A particularly damaging aspect for the children is the continued promise of change.
“Mom keeps saying she will do better and that life will go back to normal but it hasn’t happened,” said Kyla. “She promises to visit but then doesn’t show up. I still love her and send her messages but it’s hard to believe what she says.”
Reinert said her daughter is pathological and seemingly incapable of speaking the truth. Worse is the manner and timing in which these broken promises have occurred.
Yuletide is a sensitive time for Kyla because her mother came to visit one Christmas Day but then left and never came back.
“That was really hard to understand,” Kyla said.
Last Christmas, Reinert had a spark of hope that never came to fruition.
“I tried to arrange a surprise visit but she never showed up,” said Reinert. “I didn’t tell the kids because I didn’t want to get their hopes up but it hurt.”
Kyla said life is better with her grandma, and she looks forward to playing the trombone next year as a member of the Fatima Marching Band. She’s also in the Drama Club and the Gay-Straight Alliance.
She plans to pursue a career as a music therapist — or general therapy — because she knows how important that would be. “I want to help kids like me,” Kyla said.
Reinert said she has accepted her role and understands how important it is to the future of her grandchildren. “God puts you where you need to be,” she said. “I do my best to instill in them the lessons I’ve learned so they make good choices.”
With seven other grandchildren, Reinert said there is a difference in how she treats them, compared to those who she is raising.
“It’s hard to separate being a mom and a grandma,” she said. “When I’m a grandma, if they want ice cream for breakfast, that’s fine. But as a mom, I’m worried about their nutrition and whether they had a good breakfast. As a grandma, my love is unconditional for all my grandkids but there is a difference and it’s challenging to raise kids again.”
Reinert said she believes there’s a huge difference between allowing kids to grow up and raising them the right way. “I didn’t raise my kids and this is the end result,” she added. “I know how drugs impact people, and it hurts to see my daughter the way she is now but I don’t blame myself. We all have choices to make.”
Pushing through the daily challenges and obstacles, Reinert said it’s worthwhile because of the love she feels from her grandkids. “They wake up and tell me they love me, and before they go to bed, they say it again,” she said. “After all they went through, and all we’ve been through together, it’s nice to hear that and I love them very much.”
Another youth to speak at the Community Conversation was Carter Bennett, 14, who lives in Linn. He had lived with his father until Bennett’s sister, Kennedy, now 13, called the Division of Family Services.
An inspection of the home led to the discovery of a crack pipe under their father’s bed, and other drugs and paraphernalia in the home. That led to the removal of both Carter and Kennedy, along with their sibling, Jackson. They were placed with their grandparents, Mark and Pat Stalter.
“My mom and dad did everything,” said Bennett of the drug use. “When I asked him what drugs they were doing, he just looked at me and said, ‘everything,’ and that was tough.”
Bennett sees his mother sometimes, and at times he’s able to speak with his father but his placement with his grandparents is relatively new, and he is still working on that relationship.
“It’s different,” he said.
Bennett is into Dungeons & Dragons at Linn R-2 but otherwise, he spends a lot of time alone. “I do have one true friend that hasn’t stabbed me in the back,” he said. “We like to go out into the woods and hang out.”
His future is uncertain as he hasn’t given a lot of thought to what he wants to do as a career. “I don’t need much to make me happy,” he said. “A wife and a farm would be nice.”
Natessa Williams, 13, is spending the summer with family in the state of California and will enter the eighth grade upon her return to Linn.
She is also living apart from her mother, who at the time of separation, was struggling with a pain pill addiction, and had done meth at times.
“She and my stepdad were both into drugs,” said Williams. “You don’t know the reasons but when you see your parents go through it, it’s hard to watch. They didn’t talk about their pain so you try to figure it out. They tell you how everything is going to be better but the hard part is trusting them again.”
When things got to their lowest point, Yolanda Williams stepped in and took her grandchildren away, moving from California to Linn to do so.
“There was no way I could turn my back on them,” she said. “Even when they were little, they lived with me at times. Their mother was in her own world.”
At the time of the separation, Natessa was already caring for her siblings, Josiah, 12, and Layla, 5, who was in diapers then. “I had no option but to care for them,” Natessa said. “I made sure they ate and did their homework. I made sure they were clean. It was very hard to be a sister and a parent at the same time. I couldn’t worry about myself and what I had to do. I would stay up late to get my own homework done.”
An additional challenge Natessa faced at school was the fact she is biracial, as her mother is Mexican and her father is black. “The kids didn’t understand me,” said Natessa. “They would ask for the ’N-word pass,’ and other things like that.”
She and her siblings have lived full-time with their grandmother for almost six years, and Natessa said things have been better, though there are times of great sadness. “We miss our mom,” she said.
Yolanda said it has been a difficult journey but one she would not trade for the world. “It’s hard trying to raise grandkids but they’re good kids,” she said. “They listen to me and follow the rules.”
Yolanda has a total of seven grandchildren and does her best to treat them all the same. “I love them all, and the others know the situation,” she said. “There’s no time for myself but that’s okay. This is what God put me here to do, and I will continue to do the best I can.”
She added that a constant part of her talks with the children is a reminder to stay away from drugs and to focus on their education. “They need a good education to grow up to become good adults,” she said. “They don’t want to follow in their mother’s footsteps.”
The Opioid Affected Youth Initiative (OAYI) is a three-year cooperative award through the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), and the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP). The project was created to develop data-driven, coordinated responses to identify and address challenges resulting from opioid misuse that is impacting youth and community safety.
This program will see a total of eight conversations held in different local counties. Attendance for the May 17 event was mixed, with 20 people physically at the Community Center, and 35 joining via Zoom.
OC-ADCAT Education Committee Chair Charlotte Bellsmith said these events provide an insight into what happens when kids are displaced, and the challenges families in this situation face.
“This is a generational problem,” she said. “We see that what happens is often passed down to the kids and if we can get one generation to choose a better life, we can break the chain. I know it’s not easy to talk about and these kids have a lot of courage to stand up and tell their stories. I am amazed by the way the grandparents have stepped up, as tough as it is on them.”
Kinship Care provides an opportunity for children to maintain connections to their parents, if possible, and is often considered a type of family preservation service.